I love the South.  I chose to live here almost 20 years go, and I have never regretted that decision.  I probably wouldn't survive withoutthe magic of air conditioning, but that's a small problem.

HOWEVER....

Hot Dog Buns.  That's a BIG problem.

I cannot find a PROPER Hot Dog Bun anywhere in the South to save my life.  For some reason, folks around here seem to think that these poofy, bulbous things with the sidewys cut, that litter the grocery store shelves are "Hot Dog Buns".

No - they're NOT.

A PROPER hot dog bun has FLAT sides and is split at the TOP.  (Trust me, it really DOES make a difference.)

So, what am I supposed to do, since the entire South (and much of the rest of the nation, it seems) has no clue how to make proper hot dog buns?

Well, how about "The Hot Dog Bun Normalization Act of 2009"?  That's what we need - a Federal Law that will enforce standardization across this great land, and make sure that everyone can enjoy the benefits of PROPER hot dog buns!

Sound loony?  Well, no more loony than the bill introduced into Georgia legislature a few years back that would have required every restaurant serving iced tea to offer SWEET tea.  And no, I'm NOT really calling for Hot Dog Bun Normalization.

As the old saying has it, "It's differences of opinion that make a horse race."  Of course I know that my Southern friends are wrong to eat those miserable puff-balls.  But it's up to ME to decide if that's more or less important to ME to have an effect on where I choose to live.  (And BTW, I despise the fact that in New England you can't get a bowl of oatmeal without them trying to drown it in milk and brown sugar - forget getting a decent bowl of grits!)

But unfortunately, it seems as if things like hot dog buns and hot cereal choices are the only things left that anyone wants to leave to PEOPLE to decide, let alone the States!  For every single other thing, the media bombards us interminably with the cry for a "national standard" or a "Federal Law"!!!

I couldn't care less what kind of buns YOU like (whether it's around your hot dog or around your Hot Dog).  But if the tastes differ from one place to another, SO BE IT.  Let's stop this insane march toward a homogenized world view, and let different people in different places adopt different standards for just about anything they want. 

Then we can all just vote with our feet.

Or we can do what I did, which was to buy a baking pan and take responsibility for solving the problem myself.  (And if anyone doesn't know WHY flat sided hot dog buns are better, it's because you can GRILL them.  So there.)